Well, it’s official. Nicol Bolas admits to being a wuss. I kind of suspected this right from the start but until he actually came out of the closet, I wasn’t quite sure. Okay, you’re probably wondering how I figured it out long before he ever spilled the beans. Keep reading and you’ll see the clues just as clearly as I have.
For starters, have you seen his original Magic the Gathering card and how absolutely HORRIBLE it is. I mean it’s not even playable let alone good. During your upkeep, you have to pay black, blue and red OR you have to bury the guy. I mean what kind of nonsense is that?
It’s not like he was some overpowered monstrosity. Eight mana (double black, blue and red to boot) for a 7/7 flyer is not that great. And the special ability, doing damage and the opponent has to discard his hand, is really not so great when you think about it. I mean in most games, unless you’re playing against control, by the time you cast him, your opponent won’t HAVE a hand. So what’s the big deal?
Now, let’s flash forward to the present. Have you noticed that Bolas has a lot of underlings doing his work for him? You’ve got Disciple of Bolas and Augur of Bolas just to name two off the top of my head. Those are the most recent.
Going back a ways, you have Slave of Bolas from Alara Reborn and Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas from Mirrodin Besieged. Imagine this guy needing another planeswalker, when he’s one himself, to do his dirty work for him. If the guy was REALLY a bad ass, he’d have done all the heavy lifting himself.
What’s that you say? Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker? Yeah, he’s got his own planeswalker card now. So what? His +3 can only take out non creature permanents. If he’s got a big Eldrazi staring him in the face, he’s toast. Can’t do a thing about him. Only thing he’s good at doing is maybe taking out an Inky. Big deal.
Sure, his ultimate is pretty cool. But just casting him during the normal course of a game is darn near impossible. Getting of his ultimate (7 cards discarded, 7 life lost and 7 permanents sacrificed) is great, if you can ever get there. I’m not sure I’ve ever accomplished that feat once in a competitive match.
But there his is, sitting there all smug and arrogant thinking he’s hot stuff. I have to wonder what made him finally break down and confess that he was a wuss. Maybe it’s because of all the OTHER planeswalkers who have seen a heck of a lot more play than him, like Jace, the Mind Sculptor and Gideon Jura. Now those were bad dudes. In fact, Jace was SUCH a bad dude that his card was $100 at one point and was eventually banned in Standard and currently banned in Modern.
What’s the most Bolas has ever gone for? Right now his mid range price is $3.87. The most you’ll see him selling for is 8 bucks. In the meantime, because of play in Legacy and other factors, Jace is back to a hundred bucks.
You’re right Bolas. You’re a wuss.
It’s about time you admitted it.
To YOUR Magic the Gathering Enjoyment,
Steve “Land Boy” Wagenheim
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